10.05.2009

Restless



Do you ever feel like you're just not doing enough? Like you're wasting your free time? It's not just me, right?

I've been looking for a part-time job since the summer, but nothing's come up. I have six hours to myself five days a week and I feel like I should be doing something Important with a captial "I". I want my daughter to look up to me and want to be like me. Am I sending her the right message by being home and not having a job? Being a stay-at-home mom is not what I thought I'd be doing six years ago. In fact, I still hate saying those words - they bring up such negative feelings for me. It means I'm a housewife - home all day to clean, take care of the house, run errands and look after kids. Booooring. I want more! I want a successful art career that brings in money. Enough money so that we can go out for dinner, or meet friends for drinks, or buy new clothes every now and then, and not have to think twice about it. I want to buy this, just because it's pretty.

I know some people are happy with being home, taking care of house chores and children. It's just not what fills me up. I don't want to send Malayna the message that men work and women stay home. She should know that she can do or be anything she wants. I'm not exactly sending her that message right now.

I'm feeling restless…

3 comments:

daisy janie said...

I love your birdie and your butterfly so very muchly much! Please keep getting your hands dirty!!

I don't want to be "that" woman either, but truly, nothing lifts me up more than doing things for my family. It doesn't fulfill me 100%, which is why I seek out more, more, more, yet I get such joy out of taking care of them. Is that odd in this day and age? Matt pulls more than his fair share, so it doens't feel expected....maybe that's why I like it so much!!

lisa {milkshake} said...

Thank you, Jan :)

I think I'm still getting used to being here all day alone. I'm sure I'll get into a routine soon enough and figure out what I want to do.

Miss talking with you!

gigglepotamus said...

Hi Lisa! It was good to see you at the show, too. I know what you mean about not wanting to be a housewife... took the words right out of my mouth. But I wouldn't worry about sending any unsavory messages to your daughter- you're already a wonderful example for her in many ways I'm sure, but don't sell yourself short- maybe it's not so obvious now, but the fact that you are so creative and pursue that on a regular basis is a huge influence as well. But I'm sure you know that already!