9.03.2008

Changes

Malayna and I were drawing together yesterday afternoon. She wanted to draw "space", so she got a piece of paper and markers for each of us. I was drawing some stars and could see her out of the corner of my eye, watching me. She took a yellow marker (same color I was using) and attempted to draw a star. Of course, being four, hers didn't quite look like mine. She looked at her star and said, "that's a funny-looking star," and my heart broke a little.

Of course, I wanted to immediately tell her that it was the best star I ever saw, but that wouldn't be fair to her. Instead, I told her that it's really hard to draw stars and that I've have a lot of practice drawing them. I then showed her, step by step, how to do it. She followed along and did a pretty good job.

I love when my daughter looks up to me. I love when she wants to be like me. But… I don't want her to not do something because she thinks she can't do it as good as I can. I know we were just drawing stars, but the way her little face fell when she looked at her star and then compared it to mine was painful to see. It's not the first time I've noticed it, and I wonder if it's because of her age and the fact that she's really just figuring out what she can and cannot do.

Malayna and Jimmy were at the playground one day recently. Two girls a little older than Malayna were playing nearby and asked her if she wanted to play with them. She told them no. When Jimmy asked her later why she didn't play with them she said, "because they were doing things I can't do." Oh, geez. I don't even know what to say about that except that my heart broke a little again when I heard that.

I would very much like to freeze time right now. {Preferably on one of her happy days.} She has such energy and curiosity and confidence {usually}. She's so innocent and protected and trusting.

One week from today she will start preschool and I have such mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I think she'll love meeting new friends and doing new things. On the other hand, she'll be spending time with people I don't even know! I have to trust that they will treat her kindly, appreciate her quirks, and be patient with her. I have to trust that they will build her confidence and encourage her.

When we talk about school she says, "I'm a little bit scared, but I'm a lot excited!" Me, too, Malayna.


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My guest post for Scoutie Girl is up today.

1 comment:

daisy janie : scoutie girl said...

You are so in tune with her, Lisa! I think making comparisons is a natural development, once they realize the world's bigger than just them. Hopefully it will have the opposite effect: that she'll want to do more & try more so she gets "better" or becomes more capable of things. I'm pretty sure that's why I always wanted to do things my sister was doing, even tho I was 3 years younger.